More and more, I don't want to be around people. More and more, I want nothing to do with anyone else... I don't care about their problems or what makes them sad, and I don't care about their joys, or what upsets them, or drives them crazy, or what they're obsessed with... I just don't care about them at all. I keep retreating into myself... locking everything inside, putting up a barrier to keep the outside world far away. And it's killing me. I'm killing myself. I need people... I care about people, especially my friends. But I can't stop myself from doing this. Well, I can, but it's really hard. :( I have to force myself to let people in. I have to force myself to be around other people and not hide in my room all day. But I just can't figure out why I'm doing this. I mean, I'm only hurting myself, but I think my motive is protection, possibly self-preservation. But what good is it to be safe if in the end I'm all alone?

I just can't stop myself from pushing everyone away from me. My friends, please... please forgive me if I hurt you. :( I'm just so scared...

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