*sighs*  Last night wasn't much fun.  Angelo did come online, but... things never happen right.  We talked, a little, mostly me doing the talking (like normal, so that didn't bother me), but then 15 minutes went by and there was no response to anything I had said.  I got a little upset, so I just said "so, yeah... I guess I'll go to bed now. 'night." and logged off.  He won't know that I was upset, or even if he did it doesn't matter now, cause I'm not upset anymore.  ^^;;  But, seriously... I wonder if I should have told him why I did that; will he even wonder?  Am I trying to play games without realizing it?  I don't know...  Maybe I just overreacted like always and got upset for no reason.  I mean, I know he's busy and he's having a really shitty time right now, and his parents were home with his sister's kid (born in August), and his sister and her boyfriend were gonna be there, so it was a full house and his room is still not finished so he has no privacy (his mom put insulation up on his walls, and she started this in like May) and for someone who's a loner and doesn't like being with his family, it is just torture to not have a place to run to.  But despite all that understanding, I can't help but think so many things.  Like, what was he doing for 15 minutes while I was just sitting there?  And then I start feeling horrible.  Like, getting worried and stuff.  I wonder if I'm still important to him... but I know that's nonsense, and I know that I shouldn't worry, and I do have faith in him and in us, but sometimes I still can't help but wonder.  It isn't this physical distance that hurts me so much.  It isn't this physical distance that had me crying last night.  It's feeling like I'm not a part of his life anymore... it's feeling like I don't know anything about him at all.

I know you love me, I know all of those things about us are still true... you wouldn't have come to visit me two weekends ago otherwise.  But I can't help but feel this way, so can you forgive me for doubting?  Can you forgive me for everything?

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