I... wish I had something interesting to say.  Something happy.  But the truth is... I feel miserable.  I feel lonely, and doubtful, unsure, uncertain, lost... sad.  I took a walk, cause that usually makes me feel a little better, but tonight it did no good.  Not even with a good "lonely" song on repeat.  Not even with staring into the neverending darkness of the lake.  Not even listening to the stream.  Nothing.  I cried, this time.  Two tears, one from each eye.  I was thinking... "I want to be cared for, protected.  I want someone to hold me close, I want to hear that it will be ok, and that I am safe."  Even though this girl has a strong heart, and wants to be a Prince who saves her Beloved, in the end she can be no more than a Princess in need of a Knight.  I feel as though I've let him down, that Beloved of mine.  I feel as though I've abandoned him to be a Princess, when I know that he is not able to be my Knight.

I think the problem is, I've relied too much on only myself as the source of my strength.  I have others who I could depend on, but I only do so when my own reserves have been bled dry.  Stupid.

When I got back to my room after my walk, I became hopeful that Angelo might be online.  Stupid, stupid.  I feel as though all of those bricks have returned to their place, forming that hideous tower around me.  I feel again like that frightened little girl huddling close to the shadowed edge of that tower, too frightened to cry out, too frightened to move.  Please rescue me.... please rescue me again.

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