today sucked.  it started off ok enough; I picked up my check, made a deposit, did some shopping (bought a present).  and then i went in to work.  that's what made the day suck.  worked 1-10, which means I'd get 2 15 minute breaks and an hour lunch.  HA!  I got a 15 minute 4 hours into it (instead of 2 hours, like it should have been), then we made a deal so that I would take my 2 breaks first and then my lunch.  Never Happened.  Ended up taking one more break, for 20 minutes where I scarfed down some food, at 8.  *grumbles*  I was mad, and yet I wasn't.  I just don't care anymore, I guess.  I feel like shit right now.  Completely.  I'm afraid that Brad will get online... will he talk to me again?  should I talk to him first?  what the hell would I say?  do I want to try to be friends with him again?  is it even worth it?  could i ever really trust him with my secrets again?  I could trust him, sure, with mundane stuff, etc.  But I don't think I could ever trust him with deeper stuff.  I have forgiven him (and all of them), but I can't forget.  I don't hold grudges, don't hate him or any of them or ever will I hate them, but I can't forget.

I need to sort out my feelings about all of this. . it's going to take a long while till I figure everything out.  i hope i'm strong enough to be able to do it.

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